Bridging the Gaps!
Cold war divided the world into two blocks; in which some of the countries joined one block while others the second. All the ties and positive cooperation between the two blocks were cut off and an unseen wall had mounted up between them. Across this wall, no one was able to see each other and this condition promoted fear of each other. Both the blocks were afraid of each other and thus prepared more and more in case if there was any conflict between them. The money that could have been spent on education, agriculture, food, health, construction and for other welfare purposes were spent on spying each other, inventing and piling up more destructive weapons and making similar useless and rather dangerous expenses.
When two brothers, members of family or families get angry from each other, cut off all the ties and raise a wall between them, such hopeless and meaningless situation arises.
When two people get angry of each other, they cut off the relations, cease contacts, and remain absolutely alienated from each other.
In families and especially among people who have gathered together for a good purpose, such conditions can always appear and their appearance needs to be taken as natural but at the same time, necessary efforts must be extended to bring an immediate end to this alienating situation.
If not resolved in the least possible time, this distance might spread and get wider and a person might fall victim to other evil consequences. He might talk against his brother in the public (back-biting), he might accuse him of other things that he never did and he might show readiness to go to any extent to harm his brother.
At times, we hear about incidents in which one angry member kills all the members of his family. When a member gets angry of his family and leaves it, he gets alienated from his family both physically and mentally. When efforts are not done to bridge this gap, the hatred keeps multiplying in the hearts and often results in such extreme consequences. Such drastic circumstances can only be averted if the angry member is brought close to the rest of the family and again made a part of it.
Another attribute that is associated with such a situation is the ever-growing desire of a person in which he wants the decline and harm of his angry brother. He becomes happy when he hears of his loss and at times he might become the part of the machinery to inflict harm to his brother. This is where a person falls from the dignity of human beings.
In such cases, usually both or at least one of the involved parties considers himself to be correct and thus his reaction just and reasonable. He always looks into a mirror in which he finds himself to be absolutely correct while he finds all the faults in his brother. This is where your sound reasoning and justification dies and you no more remain able to assess the situation honestly. It is the reason why such a person is found to be complaining others of their short-sightedness and narrow-mindedness and such a habit never lets him to look into his own collars.
A person who remains angry is similar to a person who feeds a dangerous snake with his own blood. With every passing day, this revenge-seeking snake of anger grows big while the person who is feeding it grows weak both mentally and spiritually. In the end, snake bites his brother and in a sense he also becomes a victim to this snake as he went against his own blood; his brother.
A family was alienated by their relatives and forced to live alone for almost 20 years. Relatives cut off all the ties with them and never let them to enter their social circles. Every member of the family suffered a lot and this loneliness made difficulties more difficult to them and occasions of joy filled their eyes with tears when they were never able to celebrate it with its true spirit because their loved ones were away from them. Their relatives never realized how much difficulties they were having or how they were passing their days and nights. This is also one of the worse outcomes of getting angry from each other and then building up a wall of hatred and alienation.
Our religion always emphasizes on the importance of group interactions. All our religious festivals or rituals demand mass participation from all its members. The philosophy behind this strategy is to promote unity among its members and also to utilize the benefits that can only be achieved through groups and not individually. There is a Turkish saying that, “A sheep that remains behind from the herd becomes the prey of the wolf”.
All the evil plots and thoughts come into the mind of a person who is alone and not part of a group. That’s why people who remain angry of others have greatly been admonished and rebuked as they try to harm the spirit of the group and of course the spirit of Islamic unity as a whole.
Solving this problem is so essential that our religion regards it equal to worshipping when a person tries to bring an end to the differences between two angry brothers and tries to reconcile them.
Education and knowledge is very must for solving and even preventing this problem from happening. If we can bring up perfect and civilized members who believe in dialogue and who know how to show patience to others’ mistakes and face them with a broad smile, we may never come to hear of any such problem and in case if any such problem happened, we might soon listen about its settlement as well.
Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) tells us a unique solution for this problem. He orders us not to remain angry from our brother for more than three days. He favors and commends those who take lead in bridging the gaps and extending a hand of friendship towards his brother.
In the further explanation of above saying, it is said that if you are wrong, you should immediately go and put your arms around your brother and if your brother is wrong, you are not permitted to remain angry of him for more than three days. These three days’ philosophy is also very unique. It is said that in these three days, you would calm down, would think about the situation with a constructive mind and make a good plan to settle down with your brother nicely. In fact, these three days are meant for forgetting the bitterness of the conflict and getting ready to take a forward step towards peace and agreement.
Two brothers got angry of each other and they divided their farm and land into two parts. There was a ditch that divided their land. One of the brothers asked a carpenter to make a wooden fence between their plots. The next day, they saw that he had made a small bridge over the ditch that joined the lands and of course the hearts of brothers.
We all need to be like the carpenter; to forget the bitter memories and take lead in resuming the ties with our angry brother. In case of others, we need to persuade them to take the leading step and work as a bridge between them.
Mahmood Hassan Quraishi is a permanent writer of the Daily Afghanistan Express.